Mum-of-four Shannon, from New Jersey, says it took her several years to learn her approach of “I’m your parent and I’m asking you a question and you are going to answer me” was not helpful for her teenagers.
She became frustrated when they would push back – sometimes using phrases about her not respecting their boundaries.
Samuel says carefully choosing when and how you talk to your teenager can help them talk more openly, instead of hiding behind therapy speak.
Rather than asking them in a direct manner, she suggests talking about yourself being in a similar situation.
“You could bring up a subject about yourself at school or something that’s related… so it isn’t kind of pointing a finger at them,” she says.
Shannon says: “I’ve noticed when I do back off they will then come to me later to say, ‘Hey, guess what? I got a 95 on that Spanish test’… You don’t have to ask them for three days straight about something.”
Carla is glad she’s open with her teenagers and feels they can discuss things with her – even if she sometimes struggles with the meaning.
“We are close and I think that’s why sometimes they think that they can use these [therapy] words, as if they’re talking to a friend.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing mental or emotional distress, you can access support from the Action Line.