‘We mask until it blows up’ | UK News

Molly Siobhan Parker is on a quest to dispel myths around autism – especially autistic women.

She was diagnosed at the age of 22 and is one of a growing number of newly-diagnosed adults.

Diagnoses of autism have risen “exponentially” in the UK with a study showing there were eight times as many new autism diagnoses in 2018 as in 1998, while the number of women seeking support in Wales has trebled in the past five years.

The National Autistic Society said diagnostic criteria had been “shaped around stereotypical ‘male’ presentations of autism” meaning “a generation of women” had lost out.

Autism is a form of lifelong neurodivergence and disability that affects how people experience and interact with the world.

It is a spectrum, meaning it includes a wide range of traits or characteristics which vary from person to person.

Ms Parker, now 28, was diagnosed with autism in 2020.

She said her mental health had plummeted after graduating and, after seeking advice from medical professionals, friends and family, she went for an assessment.

The actor and writer from Pontypool in south Wales said she found her diagnosis “tricky” at first, partly because of the “cookie-cutter” way autism was portrayed in the media.

“I didn’t see myself in that. It was a very disjointed idea of how I felt and how I saw autism,” she said,

“The kind of ‘nerdy white men’ that love their trains and love their maths, and I think there is a place for that because obviously those people do exist, but there are also different types of people.”

Before her diagnosis, Ms Parker said she felt “suicidal” and now believes she was suffering from burnout due to being undiagnosed.

“From my research around autistic women, it happens a lot with women being late diagnosed,” she said.

“We mask all our lives through high school, through education, through university, and then boom, it kind of blows up, we can’t mask anymore, we’re in severe burnout and we struggle mentally.”

Ms Parker said her diagnosis had done “tremendous things” for her mental health, and she feels “the best I’ve ever been”.

“I understand myself, and people understand me more.”

She is, however, critical of the support offered to people after their diagnosis.

She wanted advice from a specialist about specific tools to cope with difficulties but said she “was only offered group sessions, which as an autistic person, that’s kind of your worst nightmare”.

Helen Harman, 46, from Newport, said she found herself in “some very dark places” during the Covid pandemic.

Loss of work among other reasons led to her reaching “crisis point”.

After listening to a Radio 4 programme about autism and speaking to a neurodivergent therapist. she requested an autism assessment.

After her diagnosis, which came when she was 42, she said she initially felt “relief”.

That soon turned into “a sense of sadness and grief” when she thought about her younger self and the “emotion that need not have been there had I known sooner”.

Celebrities like Christine McGuinness and Melanie Sykes have revealed their own autism diagnoses as adults in recent years.

But even with increased awareness, people’s reactions could still be problematic according to Mrs Harman.

“One of the common things raised nowadays is, ‘why so many now? Why so many diagnoses? Is it trendy?’.

“The answer to that is no, it’s just people have been suffering in silence a very long time.”

Mrs Harman said the support after diagnosis was “very limited and very patchy” which could lead to feeling “really lonely”.

With others, she started an online community and now runs monthly walks for autistic women who range from 20 to 60 years old.

“I’m really grateful to have found that it’s not just me, I’m not on my own, there is a whole wide world out there whereby differences can be accepted and explored.”

According to Neurodivergence Wales data, over the past five years there has been a 133% increase in the number of adults seeking an autism diagnosis in Wales – from 2,092 in 2019/20 to 4,882 in 2023/24.

Most were aged between 26 and 45 years old.

The same data also suggests that the number of women seeking support has nearly trebled over the past five years.

The National Autistic Society (NAS) said the situation was similar in England.

Mel Merritt, the charity’s head of policy and campaigns, said diagnostic criteria was “shaped around stereotypical ‘male’ presentations of autism” meaning there’s “a generation of women who have lost out”.

Sian Lewis from Wales’ Neurodivergence Service agrees, and said the lack of information and awareness in the past meant that women had been “misunderstood or been mis-diagnosed” with things such as “anxiety or depression, when there was an autistic diagnosis there all along”.

She added: “We know many women have had to get crisis point before they’ve been able to access the services that they need, but we’re really investing and working hard to ensure that is not the future for the women of Wales.”

The Welsh government said it was “working to reduce waiting times in response to increased demand for neurodivergence services”.

A spokesperson said there was also a focus on funding children’s services “so they can get assessed and receive the support they need earlier, reducing pressures on adults waiting for an assessment in future”.

Ms Parker said she was always a joker in school and now believes that was a way of masking to blend in with others.

“I’ve definitely dropped the mask now and the comedy has stayed with me. I do love being the entertainer and making people laugh,” she said.

Five years after her autism diagnosis, she is now using her comedy to try to fill the “huge gap” in portrayal of autism in the media, and has created a comedy film that she hopes will help with portrayal of autism.

“A lot of people don’t have an understanding of autism and sadly it falls on ourselves at the moment to educate those people.”

Ms Parker said she now felt “at peace” with her “life-changing” diagnosis.

“Once I accepted it and came to terms with it, I could definitely move forward with the life that I want, but with those adaptions that I need.”

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this story, information and support can be found via the ‘s Action Line website.