For two couples in California who were victims of an IVF mix up, Thanksgiving looks a little different than most.
Alexander and Daphna Cardinale birthed a stranger’s baby in 2019 and raised her, May, as their own for months until DNA tests revealed their embryos had been swapped with another couple’s – who was now raising the Cardinale’s biological daughter, Zoe, as their own.
When DNA tests revealed May belonged to Annie and her husband, who used a nickname and remained anonymous for privacy reasons, both couples decided to turn over their daughters to the biological parents.
For the last five years, the Cardinales and Annie and her husband, who live just 10 minutes apart, have been navigating a blended family and co-parenting as each couple wanted to remain involved in the life of the child they had raised for the first three months of her life.
Alexander said: ‘There’s no person to give you advice. So we ended up just sort of huddling together, the four of us, and it’s a blessing that we all are on the same page.
‘We’ve spent every holiday together since then. We’ve spent every birthday together since then — and we’ve just kind of blended the families.’
Despite the switch, the families never wanted to sever ties. The girls went to the same preschool and both signed up for ballet so they could see each other more often.
Playdates are a common occurrence and the families even joined together as one blended family in a formal ceremony officiated by the same pastor who married Daphna and Alexander.
Alexander Cardinale met his biological daughter Zoe when she was three months old. The two families ultimately decided to switch their girls so that May, whose embryo was mistakenly implanted in Daphna Cardinale, would go back to her genetic mother Annie
Daphna gave birth to May (shown right) in September 2019. Her older daughter Olivia (shown left) instantly bonded with her little sister
Before the devastating revelation, Daphna was overjoyed when she and her husband welcomed their daughter into the world, the New York Times reported.
But it didn’t take long for Alexander to notice their newborn May had jet black hair, nothing close to her mother’s red hair or her father’s light features.
The suspicion lingered for Alexander for weeks and he used dark humor to joke about a possible mix-up. Friends and family constantly remarked on the lack of a resemblance, but Daphna tried to quell their concerns.
It wasn’t until a close friend told her what Alexander had been suggesting – one of them was not May’s biological parent.
They ordered an at-home DNA test, which revealed a 99.9 percent likelihood that neither parent was biologically related to their newborn.
Annie and her husband fought the same suspicions. Their daughter Zoe was fair-haired with deep blue eyes. She looked nothing like her mother, a Latina, or her father, who is Asian-American.
Annie was assured by Zoe’s pediatrician when she was two months old that her deep blue eyes were the result of the rare passage of a recessive gene. But friends’ comments about her baby’s looks nagged at her.
After reading the DNA results, Daphna and Alexander feared it was only a matter of time until May’s biological parents sought to take her away from them.
She told People: ‘I carried this child. I birthed her. She felt so familiar to me that it didn’t even occur to me that she couldn’t be ours.’
But the Cardinales knew it was only right to reach out to the other couple. So they informed their fertility clinic who then told Annie and her husband.
The day after Christmas in 2019, the couples met at a law firm to discuss how to move forward.
Alexander was the first to voice what they were all thinking but afraid to say – they should switch their babies.
The couples agreed on a gradual transition that started with day visits then sleep overs and would eventually culminate in a permanent swap.
When the families decided that May would go to her biological mother, and the baby Annie birthed, Zoe, would go to Daphna, Olivia took it especially hard
The switch was difficult.
While Alexander said holding Zoe instantly felt right, the mothers were having a more difficult time adjusting: ‘The moment my hands went under my daughter’s arms and we locked eyes, something powerful and unexpected washed over me. I knew this child.
‘At the same time, Daphna and I were so devastated and sad… about losing our birth daughter.’
After the swap Daphna struggled to build the kind of bond with Zoe she’d had with May and sometimes, when she would feed Zoe in the early morning hours, she would be stricken with panic, thinking she had the wrong baby.
When the families would visit with each other, Annie would have to resist running to Zoe when she cried. Daphna had invasive thoughts at night that May needed her.
They struggled with the decision they’d made and both families wondered if the mix up would have long-lasting effects on the girls.
By the time both couples met each other’s babies, Zoe and May were three months old, hardly old enough to be fully awake to the world but still aware enough to beam at Annie’s and Daphna’s faces when they saw them and recognize their smell and touch.
Beatrice Beebe, a psychology professor at Columbia University’s medical school who studies infant development, told The New York Times: ‘It’s a difficult change – but doable. The baby would have to learn a whole new set of patterns, but babies are fantastic learners.’
The switch was also hard on each family’s older children – Daphna and Alexander’s daughter Olivia and Annie’s son, whose name she withheld due to privacy concerns.
The two families remained close, however, and one day, Annie texted Daphna: ‘We can definitely visit each and check how our girls are doing. It’s so hard. I don’t know how to let go.’
Daphna said: ‘What if we don’t “let go”? What if we just have 2 babies? We share them.
‘We have to find a way to have both babies. Spend a lot of time together. Raise these girls together.’
Annie agreed immediately: ‘Yes, let’s raise them together. Let’s have two babies.’
The families met often. May and Zoe went to the same preschool, and when they went to separate schools for kindergarten, they still saw each other at least once a week.
Birthdays and holidays were shared and both families’ older children also became close friends.
The families felt their situation became more normal gradually. May still calls Alexander ‘Daddy Xander’ and Daphna ‘Mama Daphna,’ Zoe addresses Annie and her husband the same way.
The Cardinales filed a suit against the clinic, alleging medical malpractice, negligence, and breach of contract.
They settled their lawsuit out of court in 2022, primarily out of concern that Oliva would have to take the stand. Details of the settlement are not available to the public, but a lawyer for the clinic told The New York Times ‘the parties settled amicably.’
And Annie added that May and Zoe, now five, are ‘still working it out.’