When Steven Gerrard reflects on the 2005 Champions League final, he calls it the best night of his life., external
But just two months later, he announced he was leaving Liverpool – before dramatically changing his mind overnight.
During a Netflix documentary about the Reds’ success in Istanbul, Gerrard acknowledges he was in a “bad place” mentally, with a head like “a box of frogs”.
And he says criticism from then manager Rafael Benitez contributed to his potential departure from his boyhood club.
In May 2005, Gerrard captained Liverpool to perhaps the most famous victory in their storied history as they came from 3-0 down at half-time against AC Milan to win on penalties and clinch the club’s fifth European Cup.
It was a moment fans hoped would convince Gerrard to commit his future to Liverpool amid interest from Spanish giants Real Madrid and Premier League champions Chelsea, who were managed at the time by Jose Mourinho.
Six weeks later, Gerrard announced he was leaving. Then he wasn’t.
“Mourinho was on the phone – the best manager in the world at the time, offering silly contracts, which would naturally turn your head. Chelsea were spending fortunes, he was guaranteed success there,” he says.
“I can’t park my relationship with Liverpool. When they came, I didn’t know which way to go. Mentally, I was in a bad place. My head was like a box of frogs.”
Benitez’s demeanour didn’t help.
“I felt like he didn’t rate me, he didn’t trust me, he didn’t want me,” says Gerrard, 45.
“I’ve always been clear that I want to be a Liverpool player and a Liverpool player only, but with that doubt and with that coldness and being part of a team where you don’t believe that you can compete at the top, that’s when your head gets turned.”
Gerrard’s former team-mate Jamie Carragher feels Gerrard “probably needed an arm round his shoulder”.
“Rafa Benitez was never going to do that,” says the Sky Sports pundit. “He’s very unemotional.”
Throughout the documentary, former players describe how Benitez’s criticism and obsession with granular tactical detail sometimes jarred.
Gerrard, in particular, felt that.
“My game… was about emotion, passion, desire, commitment, for the badge, for the [Liver] bird, for the family,” he says. “It was in me and I felt like he wanted to really remodel me.
“Nothing would ever satisfy him.”
Benitez, 66, defends his approach.
“When I joined Liverpool, there was a culture based on emotion,” he says. “Football requires more than that. If you’re really emotional, you don’t find the way to success.”
Time has been a healer – and Gerrard is now able to appreciate the Spaniard’s methods.
“I look back at Rafa and think he’s the best coach I have worked with,” he says.