John Torode has revealed he is receiving therapy to help him cope with the emotional impact of losing his role on MasterChef, a position he held for two decades.
The Australian-born chef, who turned 60 this year, was dismissed by the BBC five months ago following an allegation he used racist language during production of the cookery show, a claim he continues to deny.
Writing in his Substack newsletter, A View From The Fridge, Mr Torode described his exit as “a very unexpected and brutal life change” which has profoundly affected both himself and those around him.
“Life has changed forever for me and for those close to me,” he wrote. “There is no sympathy searching here, just honesty.”
The television presenter said therapy has helped him stop suppressing difficult emotions.
“Therapy over the past few months has entitled me to no longer ‘be brave’ but instead be real,” he said.
Reflecting on the psychological toll of the situation, Mr Torode questioned the damage caused when grief and fear are left unaddressed.
“Fear is the instinct that keeps us alive, but should grief and fear meet each other, I wonder how much damage it can do when we decide to shut it away, shut it down and not let it flow as it should,” he wrote.
He acknowledged struggling to maintain a regular writing schedule due to his “tumultuous physical, illogical and physiological state of mind”, but said expressing his feelings has become gradually easier.
The allegation against Mr Torode centred on claims he used the N-word during after-show drinks in either 2018 or 2019.
The complaint emerged as part of a wider legal review into conduct at MasterChef, triggered by multiple accusations against his co-presenter Gregg Wallace.
An independent inquiry later upheld 45 allegations against Mr Wallace, mostly relating to inappropriate sexual comments, alongside three cases of “being in a state of undress”, one incident of unwanted physical contact, bullying behaviour and culturally insensitive remarks.
John Torode with his wife Lisa Faulkner
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GETTYMr Torode has repeatedly insisted he has no recollection of the alleged slur.
“I have absolutely no recollection of any of this, and I do not believe that it happened,” he previously said.
“I’ve always had the view that any racial language is wholly unacceptable in any environment. I am shocked and saddened by the allegation.”
Mr Torode shared that a recent work trip to Qatar, which involved travelling more than 6,000 miles in ten days, marked the first time he confronted his feelings without his wife, actress Lisa Faulkner, beside him.
“Being away from Lisa has meant facing my grief alone and it has been cathartic but at times really tough,” he said.
The chef described allowing himself to experience his emotions as a breakthrough.
“This week I can proudly say that I have allowed the true hurt and sadness to flow through me without resistance,” he wrote, adding that sitting quietly with those feelings rather than “putting them into exile” had been revelatory.
He said his usual instinct to “stay positive and just get on with things” has gradually given way to a more reflective approach.
Despite the upheaval, Mr Torode remains active on television with Ms Faulkner.
The couple hosts John and Lisa’s Christmas Kitchen on ITV1 and ITVX, with a new episode airing this Sunday at 12.30pm, a temporary move from its usual Saturday slot.
In a joint social media post, the pair promised viewers “a little Christmas inspo and a chuckle,” sharing a preview clip featuring Torode’s homemade damson vodka.
Following the departures of both Mr Torode and Mr Wallace, the BBC said it would still broadcast the MasterChef series already filmed with the duo, in fairness to the competing chefs.
The show is now fronted by food critic Grace Dent and restaurateur Anna Haugh.