Kelly Foranand
Lauren Hirst,North West
For many, Christmas is a time for families to get together – but for others it can be a difficult reminder of loved ones who are no longer here.
Nicky Wake lost her husband Andy in 2020, three years after he suffered a cardiac arrest, forcing them to navigate hospitals, care facilities and uncertainty.
She went on to set up The Widowed Collective, a support group to help others who have experienced the death of a partner navigate grief and life after loss.
“Christmas is a reminder of everything that you’ve lost and everywhere you look there are happy families having wondrous times,” she said.
“People are sending you Christmas cards wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a fabulous New Year, and you’re opening them and thinking, next year isn’t going to be fabulous because the one thing that I want isn’t here.”
Nicky, from Manchester, knows only too well how difficult this time of year can be for those who are without ones they love.
Nicky WadeShe said this year’s John Lewis advert – which shows a father giving a record to his son – was a “particular killer”.
“My husband was music-obsessed, and he will never get to share that with my son,” she said.
“It nearly broke me.”
The Widowed Collective aims to offer a safe place for difficult conversations and support.
“We’re here to help, we’re here to listen as we’ve walked that path,” said Nicky.
She calls it “a club no one wants to join, but once you’re in, you’re not alone”.
Another group – Let’s Talk About Loss – was set up in Manchester by Eleanor Maher, Katharine McCallum and Phil Hargreaves.
The charity was started to support 18 to 35 year olds who are dealing with grief.
“It’s just the memories for me,” said Phil.
“Like my mum running around making Christmas dinners.
“That’s not going to happen again.
“Now it’s literally just me and my dad, so it’s very quiet.”
Katharine also admits she struggles at this time of year following the death of her father.
“He was the turkey carver, the chef, the bucks fizz server – so it’s figuring out who’s going to do those jobs now and it’s a tough reminder,” she said.
Eleanor said the group had been an important support system after the death of her father.
“You don’t have the experience of supporting someone through grief at this age, usually,” she said.
The group believes that by meeting others who have experienced loss, they can share their stories without fear, judgement or awkward silences.
Katharine said: “Just hearing other people and other young people going through it you go ‘oh thank god, it’s not just me’.
“It’s happening everywhere and there are people I can talk to if I want to talk to them.”
If you have been affected by the issues in this story, information and support is available via the Action Line