Saying no can feel uncomfortable. Many of us were brought up to do as we were told, and as adults we struggle to go against how we’ve been raised.
“We equate compliance with good and defiance with bad,” says Dr Sah. “Children get lots of training in compliance, but they need to receive training in defiance too.”
Reshaping how we view and define saying no is key. Seeing it as a positive act instead of a negative one can be instrumental in taking greater control over decisions.
“To defy is to act in accordance with your true values, especially when there is pressure to do otherwise.”
When deciding whether to say yes or no, the question to ask is whether you’re going against your values.
These are often expressed as single, powerful words like integrity, compassion, or equality. But we may struggle to enact them in daily life.
Establishing your values is the first step towards upholding them. “If we write them down, research shows we are more likely to act in alignment with them,” says Dr Sah.