After tears in Paris, tears again in Glasgow.
It leaves even the great Adam Ramsay-Peaty wondering how much of this is worth it.
“I work a lot harder than what it says on the scoreboard,” the Englishman said after taking 100m breaststroke bronze at the Commonwealth Games, his eyes and cheeks red with emotion.
“It hurts too much. I have got to approach training differently now because it hurts too much.”
Ramsay-Peaty has done it all in this sport.
Three Olympic gold medals. Eight world titles. The 14 fastest times in history.
But after taking a break from swimming amid a wave of mental health issues in 2023, he is still searching for that winning feeling again on the big stage.
He was pipped to Olympic gold in Paris two years ago. In Glasgow, despite coming into the final as the fastest qualifier, he had to settle for bronze.
He was beaten by Australia’s Sam Williamson but also Jersey’s history-maker Filip Nowacki, the 18-year-old he has taken under his wing.
Ramsay-Peaty was third at halfway and could not close the gap. His time – 59.65 seconds – was more than four-tenths slower than his semi-final swim and three seconds off his personal best from seven years ago.
“It took a lot of courage to get back into the sport, so we should be happy with everything we get, but then that contradicts the athlete inside me and what I work for,” he said.
“I just think I deserve more. I know sport isn’t about what you deserve or even what you work for – it’s who gets it on the day.
“I just know I’m a better athlete than that. It’s very disappointing.”
Ramsay-Peaty has spoken about the difficult decisions that come with being an elite athlete. The time away from his son, whom he held in his arms after the Paris silver. The events at home he has to miss.
“They are not even sacrifices; they are choices,” he said.
“It’s like getting knocked out in the group stages in the World Cup for a very good team. You know you’re better and it hurts because you know you have to wait for a very long time for the next championships.
“This is probably – realistically – my last Commonwealth Games and I thought I’d trained for better. I could do better. I’ve been faster this season. That’s where the frustration is.”