So what can couples do if they want to understand each other, and themselves, better?
Listen to your partner: “Don’t just wait until you can speak, but try to hear what they are saying and acknowledge their feelings,” Dr Emmerson said.
Share how you feel using “I” statements, so you avoid blame: “If you reframe your words to lead with your own feelings, it helps you to express what’s going on without leaving the other person feeling criticised,” Sturmer explained.
Remember that disagreements are normal: “Healthy relationships often feature debate and disagreement,” Sturmer said. “The challenge is not about avoiding rupture, it’s about finding ways to repair it that can leave the relationship feeling stronger.”
But, Dr Emmerson added, you should “pick the right time to talk about things that are difficult – not late at night, not when they’ve just come through the door”.
Respond to bids for connection: Dr Emmerson said you should “try to be emotionally responsive to your partner when they are seeking connection” – even if they’re doing so in subtle ways.
“This could be asking for a hug, or just telling you about something they just saw on their phone.”